A list of ways that let me know that I am old.

I’m so old ...

When I get dirt delivered for landscaping projects, it seems new to me.

Somewhere in a kitchen drawer, I think I’ve got a discarded rotary-dial cell phone.

When I tweet, birds answer.

I call cougars “kids.”

High-tech electronics seem like anything after eight-track tapes.

A laptop was what my mother served lunch on when I was home sick from school.

I still own a Royal typewriter.

I know the lineups of my favorite sports teams ... in the 1960s.

The old McDonald I knew best when I was growing up had a farm for food, not a drive-thru.

When I watched “The Flintstones” as a child, I remember that it really didn’t seem so long ago.

I don’t have time to waste anymore worrying why the Big 10 conference has 12 teams and the Big 12 conference has 10 teams.

Most of my dishes and knick-knacks could be used as artifacts by museums in “retro” exhibits.

The acronyms that are most familiar to me at this stage in my life are not the NBA or NFL, they’re SS and AARP.

I can remember a time when cholesterol wasn’t counted.

I think iPods are neat because “they’re even smaller than a transistor radio.”

There is no significant difference to me between “late-night TV” and “prime-time television.”

I firmly believe a restaurant offering menus that come with attached reading glasses might make a go of it.

I go to Florida to see snowbirds instead of pink flamingos.

Models of most of the autos I’ve owned are turning up in vintage car shows.

I no longer can say, “When there’s snow on the rooftop, there’s fire in the furnace,” because the snow melted.

Joking that “I’m 39 and holding” makes it appear as though I don’t even have a firm grasp on unreality.

The children of my friends talk about feeling old.

I no longer can find people older than I am who I consider “really old.”

I don’t think I have time left for a long-term relationship.

I say things that only old people say, such as, “It’s not how old you are, it’s how old you feel.”

Contact Gary Brown at gary.brown@cantonrep.com.