I ran across an article today that gave me mixed feelings to begin with, but the more I thought about it the better I felt. The article, let me see if I can find it here, I seem to misplace things more often lately. Oh, here it is. The article, based on a study published in the Archives of Neurology Magazine, suggests that the male brain shrinks faster with age than the female brain. It is thought that this may help to explain why men are more prone to age-related problems such as memory loss or brain drain.
Now you’d think this would be depressing information for me, being a long-standing member of the male gender, and it is. But it also makes me feel relieved to read this because I thought it was just me.
Here’s something that I do on a regular basis nowadays. I’ll decide to go to the grocery store to pick up this or that particular item because, of course, I am completely out. I meant to pick it up on previous trips to the store but have neglected to do so. I make my way around the store and start to pass, let's say the toothpaste section. I can’t remember if I need toothpaste for sure (because my brain is probably approaching the size of a junior mint) so to be on the safe side I grab a tube and continue on my way. I tool up and down the aisles grabbing a few more things as I make my way to the checkout counter, pay for everything and leave.
Okay, here’s the important question: What will I discover when I get home from the grocery store? You older shrinking-brain males probably have no idea. You’re saying to yourselves: “Grocery store? What grocery store?”
But you female readers, and you younger males, know the answer: I completely forgot the one item I specifically went to the store for, but I have added to my now overwhelming supply of five unused tartar control tubes of toothpaste. The good news is, if the price of tartar control toothpaste goes through the roof, I will be way ahead of the game. The bad news is I can almost hear my brain wrinkling up as I write this.
I also have been known to do this: I’ll go to the dry cleaners to pick up an article of clothing; I pay for it and attempt to walk out without it, as though I was just there to drop off a donation and visit my clothes, not pick them up.
Another thing is I’m tired of going from room to room looking, looking, and looking for my glasses when they’re on top of my head.
I’ve finally swallowed my pride and convinced myself to buy one of those chains that you put around your neck to hold your glasses. If you think of it, pick one up at the store for me, there’s no telling how many trips I will have to make
before I remembered to get it myself.
I won’t even go into the fact that I never have been good with names, but now I forget them instantaneously when I’m introduced to someone.
So my overall point is that the study on male brain drain shrinkage makes me feel a lot better because now I know I’m not getting stupid by myself, that millions - no billions - of my fellow fuddy-duddies are right there with me, hoarding toothpaste and visiting their clothes at the dry cleaners.