In these Politically Correct charged times - with Las Vegas wise-guys, fall-guys, good-guys, bad-guys, queer eye for the straight-guy - it’s hard for the average guy to know where he stands. There are times when guys do not have a well-defined moral code to live by. When they are being just plain guys, they aren’t so much actively evil as they are confused.
This is the ultimate scientific quiz to see where you as a male stand in being one of the guys. Here are nine questions to determine your guy rating:
1- As you grow older, what lost quality of your youth do you feel you miss the most?
a) Innocence. b) The feeling of invincibility. c) Cherry bombs.
2 - When is it okay to throw away a pair of veteran underwear?
a) When it turns the color of the Dead Sea Scrolls and has developed new holes so large that you’re not sure which ones are intended for your legs. b) When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules. c) It’s never okay to throw away veteran underwear.
3 - You encounter alien beings from a highly advanced civilization who give you a small sophisticated device that is capable of curing all the ills of humanity here on earth. Hunger, poverty, violence and pandemics will be wiped out forever. You decide to:
a) take it immediately to the president of the United States. b) Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations. c) take it apart to see how it works.
4 - In your opinion what is the most reasonable explanation for why Moses blindly led the Israelites all over the place for 40 years?
a) He was being tested on his faith and religious commitment. b) He wanted to really enjoy the Promise Land when he finally got there. c) He refused to stop and ask anyone for directions.
5 - When is it okay to give a long, two arm hug to another male?
a) when you just want to display pure affection for your fellow being. b) when he is the Pope. c) when he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and you want to let him know that for business reasons, you have to have kill him.
6 - Complete this thought. A funeral is a good place to:
a) remember the deceased and console his loved ones by telling them wonderful stories about how great the person was. b) reflect upon the meaning of life. c) tell the joke you heard at the water cooler the day before about the person who has shingles, giving the punch line in a very loud voice while laugh uncontrollably.
7 - While watching the NFL on a Sunday afternoon, the attractive and intelligent woman you’ve been seeing for the last year, suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, bursts into tears and tells you that she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she just wants to know if you think they have some kind of future together. What do you say?
a) That you believe you do have a future together, but you just don’t want to rush it. b) That you have strong feelings for her, but you just don’t want to give her false hope by making a commitment you aren’t sure you‘re ready for. c) That you can’t believe the Broncos called a running play on 3rd down-and-20.
8 - In your opinion the ideal pet is:
a) A cat. b) A dog. c) a dog that eats cats. 9- What is the single greatest achievement of the human race?
a) Democracy. b) Religion. c) Fantasy football.
Scoring: Give yourself two points for every time you answered “c.” A real solid guy score on this quiz would be at least 16 or 18. Give yourself the special four-point bonus for knowing the joke about the person who had shingles.